Buzzing In the Telepod

Yes, it's Tuesday again and we can only cross our fingers that the AJFC fields will be open for play this week. So, with all the world waiting to see if Wetnose really is worth 11 extra points to his team (sounds like there's at least one "1" too many in there, if you ask us), we've come across an interesting little Ultimate diversion to tide us over...

Most will have received their first lavishly-produced and super-glossy edition of the new-look Australian Ultimate magazine well before a copy found its way into the elegantly rusting mailbox that quietly announces the entrance to the Dojo gardens estate, so we apologise if this item is a tad out of date. But as soon as we saw this particular item we knew that something just had to be said...

Flip to page 9 (the centrefold!) of the new AU and you'll find an article on "Australia's Greatest Players". Now, whilst no-one can challenge the top-notch journalistic efforts of the authors, we did find immediate fault with the mention of one Chris Burwell, aka The Cornerstone of Queensland Ultimate, which notes:

"With perhaps the most extensive repertoire of any Australian to have every thrown a Frisbee, Buzz's throws were a thing of beauty. His inside outs, around the mark breaks on both sides and killer hammer meant no marker stood a chance."

All factually accurate except for one thing - the insidious use of PAST TENSE!

Other greats listed therein get the present-tense treatment - Ant Dowle's "pace and agility has made him a top block getter", for instance, but poor old Buzza is apparently past it. Knowing he'd be outraged (this is a man who we can quote as having said "I've never had fun playing Ultimate EVER!") we gave him a call to gauge his response and see if he may be in need of some counselling...

Predictably, Buzza was straight on the offensive, and like most grumpy old-timers started carrying on about all the "young kids these days" who know him only as "the greatest thrower of a frisbee ever to set foot on an Ultimate field", and how tragically one-dimensional this heroic vision is. Okay, he may not have actually said that last bit (doesn't make it any less believable, though) but we can faithfully report that he's taken this insult to his athleticism (which has also apparently taken up permanent residency on his staffroom table at the Qld Museum) as an incentive to get back into the shape of his old days when he was "3 times" as good as he is today.

But it seems it was eventually the write up of one John Greenfield (AU Ed 1 p8) that really got Buzza's cockroaches crawling, prompting him to proclaim:

"If Greenfield can go and reinvent himself from being a 'sensationally athletic block getter and receiver' into a 'high percentage handler', then I'm going to do the opposite and I don't care what anyone says about the fact that I'm 40. From now on I'm going to stop at nothing until I've transformed my game from the usual 'greatest thrower ever' tag to 'unbeatably athletic block getter and downfield receiver' status."

Let's just hope insect-man Buzza doesn't have any Seth Brundle-esque experiments in mind for this transformation. Be afraid. Be very afraid...